Hot Water Bottles are gay and are for gays. Period!

Hot water bottles are for gay people right? Come on your average Lenny ‘The Guvnor’ McLean was never going to fill the kettle each night during the winter and push a hot water bottle between his torso and the mattress. And are you seriously telling me that builders and the like are camping it up with a gay device such as a hot water bottle every night? No I am not having it.

Hot Water Bottles are for gay people, plain and simple!

So in order to highlight the fact that you must be gay to use a hot water bottle here are some images of hot water bottles that I have matched to gay people who are typically fond of something warm near the backsides at night.

Gay Hot Water Bottle

Gay Hot Water Bottle

Coloured Velour Hot Water Bottle/Allan Carr
Everyone’s favourite gay comedian? Actually no, not mine, I actually think he’s about as funny as being as being told you have to sleep with him and catch a dose of aids into the bargain. Given the choice of doing a Tour of Duty in Helmand Province and facing certain death or taking one in the arse from this big mincer I know that I’d take Helmand.

Allan Carr is exactly the sort of woofter who you’d imagine would have a number of hot water bottles keeping him warm in the winter. He’s that ugly, I can hardly see even gay people wanting to shag him, he looks like a cross between janet street porter and a the fat guy from Airline.

Allan Carr and his hot water bottle

Allan Carr and his hot water bottle?

Velour Heart Hot Water Bottle/George Michael
You have got to love George Michael, his careless whispers in public places could find him swallowing cum in a public toilet like a bunch of wild sluts at a hen night party kicking back the old Vodka Jellies. Back at camp Michael you can just see the velour love heart getting prepared for a night in between the sheets of the man who loves to chill out in his car whilst coming back from the garden centre with more exotic plants that seem to exude powerful fumes.

george michael and his hot water bottle

George Michael and his preferred hot water bottle choice?

Animal Print Hot Water Bottle/Elton John
I’m still getting over the shock that Elton John once got married! Surely there has never been such an elaborate hoax of this scale? Recently Elton was minced off by being stopped from adopting a HIV baby for his ‘I love HIV’ collection. Would’nt it be funny if Elton is now planning to climb Mount Everest with Stephen Gately’s ashes inserted into his arse.

Eltons hot water bottle

Eltons hot water bottle?

You have to ask whether Elton is the sort of man who likes his men to put on the old animal briefs? So does his lover slip into bed with the tiger pants and tiger hot water bottle? You can bet your life he does, this sort of thing happens in campville all the time. All I can say is I am so glad I’m not packing cock away like Elton does.

Giraffe Hot Water Bottle/Elijah Wood

It must be said it is not confirmed that Eliajh Wood is gay, but after all that mountain climbing with Sam and freaky looking Gollum wearing a skimpy loin cloth, one could suspect he is packing some cock away when he is playing with the ring.

elijah wood's hot water bottle

Elijah Wood's hot water bottle?

Furry Hot Water Bottle/Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry is a legend, so why a furry hot water bottle? Good question, Fry is one of those furry, fluffy characters that everyone loves. Shame he’s got that bipolar disorder and with more cheap mince than Iceland, you’d never know he wanted to stab you until it was too late. Can’t imagine a worse way to go than being shagged by a fat frigging hypomanic encyclopedia.

Mr Stephen Fry and his hot water bottle

Mr Stephen Fry and his hot water bottle?

Knitted Hot Water Bottle/John Barroman
Well Torchwood does find himself in some sticky situations so you think in colder times he would love something hot warming him up. He’d need some warmth, given that his husband (thats a gay thing) looks like he works in Boots Makeup department.

Torchwood and his knitted hot water bottle

Torchwood and his knitted hot water bottle?

Black Hot Water Bottle/Stephen Gately
Sore subject – what got colder quicker? Stephen Gately or his hot water bottle?

The Late Mr Gate with his hot water bottle

The Late Mr Gately with his (now redundant) hot water bottle?

Teddy Bear Hot Water Bottle/Graham Norton
Graham is a nosey twat, he rings people up and giggles away like a school girl, causing his phone victim to make a prat of themselves in front of some fit Hollywood bird. Also if he’s having if off with that weirdo mole face Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, he’ll need something to hide the gin in.

Graham Norton and his hot water bottle

Graham Norton and his hot water bottle?

“It’s all about the Cockfidence” water bottle/Gok Wan
I absolutely love Gok Wan to death. This guy demonstrates why I want a fit slim nice looking fit bird whose packing the fiormest plastic tits you can imagine! All of those overweight minging pigs that get naked on his show frighten the life out of me. It is no wonder that Gok is loving the Bourneville Boulevard. After looking at all of those mingers all day he must want to shag his way through half of Soho

GokWan and his girly hot water bottle

GokWan and his girly hot water bottle?

Ok, all this cock is making me feel sick.

Now this is what i call a Mans hot water bottle, check out the tits on this baby. Imagine resting you face on these hot knockers. Nice!

Tits hot water bottle

Tits hot water bottle

Top Hot Water Bottle Shops

If you are feeling decidedly pink this year, then you might like to look at some of the online retailers where I have found some great Hot Water Bottles:

Amazon Hot Water Bottles
The Hot Water Bottle Shop