The success of the Guitar Hero video game has left me baffled. Unlike many other video games in which you’re doing something that can’t be done in real life (like mercilessly shooting people) in Guitar Hero you’re doing something that is actually more fun and creative to do for real.

There are some top quality budget guitars available today that cost less than the price of a Wii with Guitar Hero (about £270). All you then need is someone to show you a few chords and a couple of riffs and you’re almost ready to form a band. All it takes is practice. So if, instead of spending hours trying to pointlessly improve your Guitar Hero score, you spent just some of that time learning just a few basic guitar playing skills you might one day become a real guitar playing god.

I think guitar hero appeals to sad bedroom wannabe’s who are too stupid or lazy to pick up a real guitar. They strap on the lightweight, trashy plastic Guitar Hero controller (that they think looks and feels like a real guitar) and they’re transported to a fantasy world where they’re on stage in front of a huge, cheering audience. They imagine excited, screaming groupies in the front row with soggy knickers, dreaming about giving the hot guitarist a blow job.

The message for any wannabe guitar heroes is simple. Get yourself a real guitar and forget the Guitar Hero children’s game. Learn to play a real guitar just a little and you’ll wonder why you were ever interested in Guitar Hero.

Girls love guys who can play a bit of guitar and guys who play guitar love to meet girls who can also play. So the message is simple. Forget the trashy Guitar Hero game and get yourself a real one.