Who Needs Fingers Anyway? Bonfire Fight Night.
Right, as you will undoubtedly know, it is that time of year again and its coming up to bonfire night, and the inevitable fireworks fight. Some of you reading, may be a little worried by the idea of this “fireworks fight”. Indeed you may be a little concerned about the health and safety implications, and the prospect of serious injury, but dont worry, you will be pleased to know that this is the whole idea.
First thing’s first, secure yourself a decent fireworks supplier. Cheap fireworks just dont seem to fly as well as the more expensive ones, and I’ve also found from personal experience that the fights are dissappointingly short with cheap fireworks because they have a tendancy to explode upon impact.
Second most important thing is to establish teams, now ofcourse there is the age old classic of guys vs girls, but I find this particular setup a little tedious as girls tend to whinge far to much when they get a Millennium 3000 rocket to the face. I mean come on, worse things have happened. There are children starving in africa for fuck sake.
So my personal preference is to assort the teams by age. I find that small children are far too cocky these days anyway, so the loss of an arm or two should take that spring out of their step.
Once the teams are assorted and you’ve had your fireworks delivered, its time to start planning.
I tend to go for the candle and shield metod. Attach a sovereign sun to some sort of handheld device, and start it off. Some sparks may get in your eye, but dont worry, this will just make you more of a man. Second, pick up a roman candle, light it, and point it at the nearest toddler like you’re harry potter in a field full of children with perfect foreheads.
Fantastic.
There’s the obvious addition of a backline with mortar type fireworks which can be catapulted up and will then land sharply in the midst of the opposition, or if you’re lucky, just behind them so they turn around allowing you to nail them in the back.
Don’t forget you can get a great grenade effect by using Jack Mines, just light and throw. A well placed Hawaiian Cone can also make an excellent distraction before firing off a set of Thunder Blitz rockets from the other direction.
Whatever you do this bonfire night, play safe, and wear black clothes. You dont want to stand out too much in the dark or you’ll be an obvious target. Oh, and if you blow up th odd house or too you can always get rebuilding with building materials from Wickes.
K
#1. October 26th, 2007, at 3:28 PM.
Firework fights rock! I checked out the site you had so blatantly linked too (are you on commission?) It is fair to say there are some bargains on there.
I have had a few good firework fights in my time. My mum would have gone firkin mental had she known what the hell I had been up to!
All I will say is if you are going to really stupid and have a fireworks fight, make sure it is out of harms way so you can blow the crap out of each other without harming anyone else!