Valentines and Valentines Gifts - A total rip-off
I hate Valentines Day with a passion - it’s a crock of shite; if anyone can explain to me the benefit of Valentines Day then please let them try.
FACT 1 - There is nothing romantic about Valentines Day
FACT 2 - Valentines Day is a marketing tool exploited by British retailers to get back into our pockets following Christmas
FACT 3 - Florists artificially increase the prices of Roses to exploit all the stupid people who are driven to buying a Valentines Day gift for a ‘loved one’
FACT 4 - On Valentines Day, restaurants are packed to the rafters with people struggling to know what to say to each other
FACT 5 - Somewhere, someone is making a mint out of YOU because of Valentines Day!
FACT 6 - If you need Valentines Day in order to pay more attention to your partner, or show them you care, you may as well kiss the relationship goodbye now!
Just because the calendar flips to February the 14th, why does the world believe it has to declare its love? I haven’t seen this much trash since that bitch Cherie Blair cried in public to get herself out of a tight spot.
Friends, wife, partner or lover? If you were that ‘in-love’ would you not tell them every day? Why wait for an artificial day in February? Why, because retailers want you too, that’s why!
Surely the whole thing is less romantic? Society says you must tell your partner you think the world of them. No, that is a load of old bull! The British retail industry is telling us that. Wherever you go it is sell, sell, sell.
What the feck does MrsCrip want with a fluffy teddy-bear that says I love you on it? Or a nice piece of heart-shaped Jewellery? She can feck-off, I gave her an orange for Christmas and that was more then she deserved!
This is why women are so bloody stupid, instead of buying more of this Valentines rubbish that no one actually needs, how about paying off a credit card bill? There will be enough people hitting the plastic to pay for Valentines gifts, which in a few weeks time will be in the bin!
I’m sorry but if you are intending to buy a partner anything at all for Valentines you are nothing more than a lost sheep, you have no imagination and can only express yourself because you feel pressured to do so.
However, I am not insensitive to think about those who are not as strong willed as me; just in case you feel the need to express your eternal love, here are my top 5 things to treat your female/male shag to:
My top 5 for the ladies includes………..
Jewellery - A no-brainer, every bint loves jewellery no matter what the occasion; well if you are going to succumb, get an item of jewellery that looks the part, like a silver Elvish Ring, at least they look half decent
Weekend Break- I might have slagged off Wales in one my recent blogs; truth be told there is some stunning scenery to look at and lots to do in Wales. If you are after some quiet shagging time, you can do worse things in life than book an idyllic weekend retreat for your and your partner. Book a short break to Wales and enjoy some quality time together in bed giving her plenty!
A New Car - If you really want some serious brownie points and have something drastic to cover-up then a new car could be the Valentines Gift of choice. Heres the thing, you can get a brand new car for next to no money if you so chose by taking a car on a lease. Come of fellas, if you want to make your woman purr with delight and give her no excuse as to not act the complete slut in the bedroom, then a new leased car is the way forward.
Designer Clothes - We all know what women are like - mention a shopping trip and the juices are flowing as quickly as the water comes out of a power shower. Treat the wench to some great looking designer clothes, then she will have no excuse to look as scruffy as feck when you next go out.
Caribbean Holiday - Can there be anything better than having an excuse to see your woman with little or no clothes on (unless they weigh 26 stone) Much as though a short break to Wales is great for a weekend getaway; think about a luxury all-inclusive holiday to the Caribbean. All I can say is make sure you have plenty of ice in your hotel room; you’ll need it to put the fire out on your cock from all that bum-action you’ll be being treated too!
So there you have it. If you are going to be a complete sad bastard and buy your partner something a gift for Valentines Day, make sure it is bloody expensive so you can remind her of this throughout the year.
Written by MrCrip on February 5th, 2008 with
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Corporate Bullshit!.
#1. February 6th, 2008, at 2:22 AM.
Well, now that you’ve upset every woman in the country into getting their loved ones/husbands/partners/brothers/dads to get you at playtime, what are you going to do as an encore?
I thought I was the orginal Grumpy Old Git, but it looks like you’ve stolen my crown!
Just heard down the grapevine that there is a Welsh “contract” on you, and several hitmen and a bunch of heavies are on the way to change your mind about Wales….