Top 10 Adult Toys for the Disabled
Yes all you church goers, disabled people do and can have sex! And guess what? Some disabled people probably get more sex then you Jesus loving freaks!
In fact knowing disabled people the way I do, I can vouch many of them are complete kinky buggers. But did you know that each disability has its own preferred sex toys, so here is my guide to what sex toys the many different types of disabled people use for their pleasure………..
1- Blind People - Love Doll
What do blind people care? A hole’s a goal, so why would a blind person care if the hole was latex and had horse hair for muff? Seriously the thought of David Blunkett shagging could turn a fat person anorexic through severe vomiting, after all the thought is horrendous! WARNING - PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING - Blind people shagging is repulsive and the thought is potentially preventing obesity from taking over the UK population , you best remember that!
2 - Siamese Twins - Doc Johnson Julie Ashtons Anal Beginners Kit.
Come on, you can’t leave out the Siamese twins of the world - well for all of those who are literally joined at the hip, they can all have a share of the fun with this multi part anal-beginners kit - with extra accessories included those twins who do not share an arsehole can get pleasure whilst the other is eating dinner!
3 - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME) - Rampant Rabbit.
ME is a serious illness; which is why ME sufferers need a serious sex toy.Not only do male and female ME sufferers love to shove a bunny clean inside themselves, the ensure there is a plentiful supply of Duracell and Super glue so as to not let the enjoyment dwindle once they get tired. It is a well known fact that ME sufferers place super glue onto a Rampant Rabbit in order to keep it inside them long after their arms have become beleaguered through the shear exhaustion of lifting a vibrator up.
4 - Alzheimer’s - An Empty Box
You can get away with an empty box for those with Alzheimer’s, after all, your average Mr Forgetful and Little Miss Scatterbrains won’t remember having a sex toy in the first place!
5 - Schizophrenia - Vibrator/Love Hole
You never know whether the schizos of the world are going to be Arthur or Martha? So in order not to end-up with a pick-axe in your back, help out the head-case in your life with a his/hers sex toy to suit the mood of their moment!
6 - Depression - Hard Core Porn
If you are already depressed you might as well watch some porno movies with some well hung dude smashing the back doors or some lovely looking ladies. If you are really lucky you may find your partner starring in a porn movie having his/her time of their life, what better way to get really depressed knowing you are crap in the sack and that someone else is filling their boots and your bird’s fanny!
7 - Downs Syndrome - Candy Cock Ring
Everyone loves a mong, and rightly so; but these innocent looking vegetables can shag for England and get more sexual urges then Rebecca Loos at a pig farm. Our little friends love colour, so to complement the sexual needs of those with Downs Syndrome I thought a nice Candy Cock Ring would go down well. The nice thing about Candy Cock Rings is our little Downs Syndrome friends can use them to learn colours as well, bonus!
8 - Amputees - 15″ Dildo/Vibrator (To be used as an emergency false limb)
Heather Mills is actually the champion of the cause, after obviously using a dildo of such magnitude for so long, it does look as though the once model (porn actress) has turned into the biggest penis in the world.
The only likeable thing about Heather Mills is the fact she lost a leg and we are meant to feel sorry for her. The sad part of how she lost the leg, is the Police motorcyclist didn’t kill her there and then when he hit her. That said, Heather Mills has done a lot for amputees and the fact many amputees are now using huge dildos as prosthesis instead of a metal curtain pole from the NHS is saving us all money. So perhaps Heather isn’t quite the scatty, money driven bitch we all think she is 
9 - Parkinsons Disease - Vibrating Cock Rings
This one is mainly for the male sufferers of Parkinsons disease; the Vibrating cock ring when used in conjunction with the electric sway of a Parkinsons sufferer results in more spunk splattering action then a whore would receive in a rugby club changing room. Seriously, stick one of these on to the Parkinsons sufferer in your life and hang new wallpaper with the love paste they will be spurting everywhere.
10 - Paralysis - Strap on Penis
It is a well known fact that paralysed a mans penis is about as hard as a fluffy kitten. Following the trauma of not being told you will never walk again, every paralysed man is given a strap on penis. The strap-on penis is used when going through rehabilitation, each paralysed victim has the opportunity of shagging a nurse (male or female) to get back into the art of sex. It is said the NHS strap-on penis is modeled on Sir Jimmy Saville’s knob who of course did so much for paralysed people and especially Stoke Mandeville Hospital. Sir Jimmy raised lots of money for a swimming pool, which has caused more deaths through paralysed people forgetting they can no longer use their legs and drowning as a result.
Thanks Sir Jimmy!
Written by MrCrip on March 25th, 2008 with
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Mong Dong Silver
#1. March 25th, 2008, at 11:56 PM.
Fantastic