Ban flat-pack furniture
Yes folks, it’s time to ban flat-pack furniture to the annals of history, for the good of mankind flat-pack furniture has to go.
OK, Sunday night has been and gone and another working week beckoned, but instead of having a weekend of rest and ready to tackle the new week with vigor and zest, I was knackered after battling with a shed load of flat pack furniture which proved to be an absolute nightmare to put together.
The start of the weekend
Friday night and time to relax, MrsCrip had sent me a text earlier in the day asking if I wanted to get it up that evening! Naturally I was delighted to think that she was off the blob and wanted MrCrip’s crippled penis. Talk about cross-wires, upon arriving back at Crip towers, it was soon evident there would be no erection from me that night, oh no - MrsCrip had earmarked the evening as a time for an erection of a different kind. The closest that I got to lingerie this weekend has been a glance through the lingerie section of the latest Littlewoods catalogue on my way to the furniture section for a clue as to how the flat-packed furniture we had just invested in should look.
A word of advice
Two disabled people should not attempt to erect flat-pack furniture, whilst MrsCrip is not buggered in the sense that she does not have a physical disability, she is a bit slow. In fact it probably would have been better to have a fish helping me out for all the use she was.
You have to ask the question, is the recorded number of disabled people in the world artificially low? I ask because surely all women are disabled simply for the fact they are on the whole thick twats and only good for a fumble and when you need to offload the baby-gravy, anyway, moving on.
How much flat-pack?
Here’s my problem, we did not just have the one item of furniture to erect, oh no we had five of the buggers, and let me tell you after half-way through the first piece of furniture assembly it felt like we were climbing Everest.
The itinerary for the furniture assembly was as follows:
2 x Beds
1 x Wardrobe
1 x Chest of drawers
1 x Storage box
Not a lot some may think, but let me tell you the designs for one of the beds must have come straight out of a Nasa engineers bedroom.
Honestly, I think learning to walk again would have been easier then the torture of having to put all of this flat-pack rubbish together.
Furniture questions
The whole sorry saga got me thinking and made me ask the following questions……..
- Why the hell do we have to endure flat pack furniture?
- Why cannot all furniture come pre-built?
Well the simple answer to both of those is…… cost!
Everything always boils down to money and the thing is this, if you want pre-built furniture, then expect to pay more money.
Pre-built furniture surely has to be stronger and last longer, simply for the fact that a professional (an Indonesian) has crafted and put the furniture together by hand. Now I am not stupid, I know where to place a dowel and stick my glue.
Rocket science instructions
But the instructions that came had with the bed from Nasa were quite frankly pathetic.
Ultimately, it was bloody good that I do not suffer from M.E as there is no chance that I would have a bed to lie-in now, such was the lengthy process in it’s build.
In fact I have spent so much time in trying to get the furniture sorted I have had hardly had time to get online and slate people, now what is that all about?
There’s always something missing
You know it, I know it, we all know it. As you get to a key stage of the furniture build you find a vital piece is missing,
Buy cheap, buy twice
Not a truer word has been spoken if you buy something that is cheap, do expect it to bugger up in no time.
You pay for what you get
In my utter disgust of all things cheap, I hunted about for alternative funiture solutions that would be delivered pre-built.
There are options about for ready-made furniture, that is not the problem, the problem is literally money - you have to pay a whole lot more for pre-built furniture. So if you are poor, start studying the book of how to put flat-pack furniture together as you will not be the more expensive pre-built furniture any time soon.
See nice solid furniture at New England Lifestyle
Written by MrCrip on March 10th, 2008 with
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Richie
#1. March 11th, 2008, at 12:10 AM.
What would those zillions of Chinese labourers do if flat pack furniture was banned? You have to give them employment, a reason to live. Guess what the Olympic village is going to be constructed out of. Ikea design it and the Chinese build it. God save us from fecking panel pins.