10 Great Christmas Presents for Women - Part 1
As I am a connoisseur of all things quality, I have taken the time to put some gift ideas together for the impending time of skint that will help save your bacon this Christmas with the ladies, may I present MrCrip’s ‘Great Christmas Presents for Women’.
10. Luxury Perfume - Have you been playing away from home this year? Well if so, compound your guilt with some fine luxury perfume from Ormonde Jayne. Forget the run of the mill potion that you can buy from any high street store; the perfume on offer at Ormonde Jayne is exclusive, it is only available from their fine London perfumery. This stuff is not cheap either and nor it is made from the minging chemicals that you will find in the high street crap; this perfume is the real deal!
MrCrip recommends the online perfume shop - www.OrmondeJayne.com
9. Rigid Inflatable Boat - Bollocks to Christmas dinner with the in-laws, give your bint a RIB and take the stuffy old buggers out on her new £45k Rigid Inflatable Boat and give the in-laws near coronaries as you hack across the water at 50 to 60mph.
RIB’s are simply an adrenaline kick, hook-it on to the tow-bar and head down to the shore, plus you can find some quiet spots for some pump action!
MrCrip recommends the Rigid Inflatable Boat specialists - www.RibsForSale.com
8. Nintendo Wii - Am I the only person in the world that has not got a Nintendo Wii? After Nintendo made a complete cock-up with the Gamecube I vowed never to buy another Nintendo Console again; it looks like I was a bit hasty in disowning Nintendo. The Nintendo Wii is a cracking console which really does get the whole family involved. The Nintendo Wii is like gold-dust at the moment, so if you can get one, get one! Then you can beat the crap out of your bird in a virtual way and avoid the jail sentence!
MrCrip recommends the best online shop ever - www.Amazon.co.uk
7. Wine Rack - A wine rack is the ultimate way to boost your wine stocks and disguise your wife’s alcoholic tendencies; there are some awesome wine racks available and if you are prepared to bank-roll a revoloution in the Isle of Wight, then you can look forward to creating a wine cellar that will have your friends and neighbours pissing in their pants with envy.
As an added bonus, if you build a wine cellar you can make-out you are Tony Soprano and have clandestine meetings whilst avoiding the strong arm of the law.
MrCrip recommends the Wine Accessories experts - www.Wineware.co.uk
6. New Car - Treat yourself to a new motor; better still treat the missus to a motor and then you can get rid of her more regularly at the weekends! If you are really feeling generous you can buy the nagging old bint a Sat Nav and program it to send her to some obscure places. Bollocks to buying a new car, lease a car instead.
Leasing a car is better for a number of reasons, ultimately though in three years time the car has to go back. It goes without saying that after three years your partner is bound to have pissed you off in one way or another so the fact her car has to go back will be the perfect way to get back at her!
MrCrip recommends the car lease experts - www.NationwideVehicleContracts.co.uk
5. Silver Jewellery - Everyone loves jewellery; you cannot go wrong with jewellery and silver jewellery especially. Silver Jewellery goes with practically everything and always comes presented in fine gift cases which makes life easier as you can forgo using wrapping paper (which of course is eco friendly). MrsCrip has always been the happy recipient of Silver Jewellery at Christmas and has been a willing taker in Chritmas past. I have always found a Silver Ring goes down well and MrsCrip does love some wrist action as well so do take a good look at the silver wristwear which is available.
MrCrip recommends silver jewellery experts - www.ZooJewellery.com
4. Luxury Caribbean Holiday - What could be better than treating a loved one to a luxury holiday in the Caribbean? Imagine the scene, sunny weather, beautiful beaches, clean seas and your woman skimpily dressed with the moist bits glistening in the sun like a summer dew! Get on it, bollocks to Center Parcs or Butlins, surely if you want some serious bum action you need to get your bird in the mood with a quality luxury holiday to the Caribbean. Think Tom Cruise in Cocktail when he shags the ropey old bird or indeed Tom Cruise in The Firm when he shags a nice bird and then you are on the right lines to a happy holiday in the Caribbean.
MrCrip recommends the luxury holiday specialists - www.TropicalSky.co.uk
3. Safari Holiday - Different approach with this one; personally speaking you would not get me anywhere near big animals; some of these beasts would rip your head off quicker than you could blink. I don’t mind looking at the fish at a Sea Life centre, but dossing down with a sleeping-bag and a fire with some park ranger and his loaded weapon would not make me feel in the slightest bit secure.
That said, I can see a positive side to the situation. Imagine the missus has been given you grief and you find out its because you do not shape-up like her Toy Boy! Well taking a Safari Holiday would give you the opportunity to feed her to the lions, literally!
Note of caution - Make sure the old bint has adequate travel-insurance and life insurance before you go to ensure you get maximum payout and then you can start to enjoy life again!
MrCrip recommends African travel specialists - www.AfricaSky.co.uk
2. Piano - Screw Chas and Dave, get tinkering on the ivories and get the family spirit rocking this Christmas with some tunes on the Piano.
I learnt to play ‘Silent Night’ on my keyboard last Christmas and I was totally awe struck at my musical ability. Buying a Grand Piano is now the right thing to do for anyone. A Piano is a total investment and you call always pretend your bird/missus is Julia Roberts and have that Richard Gere moment as what happened in Pretty Woman.
You can get a dogs bollocks Concert Orchestra Piano for only £37k; Women love music, women love musicians; you can woo your woman with your musical renditions on your Grand Piano. Then you can send a thank you letter to MrCrip for rescuing your love-life with such a bright idea!
MrCrip recommends the online music store - www.SheargoldMusic.co.uk
1. Cosmetic Surgery - Is your bird minging? Do you look at her mates tits and think I want them instead? Well you can. A quality cosmetic surgeon will be able to give your bird the breasts of her best mate for between £5k - £10k. Cosmetic Surgery is a great gift to give; after all a dog is for life and not just for Christmas!
MrCrip recommends cosmetic surgery pioneers - www.McIndoe-Surgical.co.uk
So there you go people, Part 1 of my Christmas presents for Women, get buying!
Written by MrCrip on November 1st, 2007 with
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#1. November 1st, 2007, at 3:59 PM.
Very classy ideas there mr crip, I myself fully intend on investing in some cosmetic surgery to give my woman friend for christmas. but it wont be for her, one side affect of eating children is that it gives you a tiny cherry-popper.
but not for much longer!